Temple of the Clitoris

Thousands of years ago the Phoenicians worshipped the clitoris. The Temple of Clitoris is proud to continue that tradition

1. Combating Ignorance
Despite almost a century of universal education the average Western Male is still totally ignorant about the clitoris. He neither knows what it is, where it is or what to do with it if he accidentally stumbles across one late at night in the dark (OK, OK. I know all my readers are deeply sensitive caring men whose only concern is to please their partner and do the washing up and clean the house and cook the evening meal and take the dog for a walk and screw their partner's best friend but let's face it there are many guys out there who are less than totally committed New Men)

2. What is the Clitoris and How do I get One?
The clitoris is a small bud like formation ("make mine a bud") situated where the top of the inner vaginal lips meet Normally it hides under a small hood of skin but when sexually aroused it expands and emerges blinking into the sunlight. It is a primary source of erotic stimulation. Most women can attain orgasm by means of gentle massage of the clitoral area. Biologically, it is directly equivalent to the male penis. Indeed, for the first few months after conception the genitalia of male and female foetuses appear to be identical. It is this equivalence that is a direct cause of much misunderstanding.

3. How big is the Clitoris?
Not very. I have been privileged to see the genitalia of literally dozens of women whilst both sexually excited and quiescent. In my experience, the vast majority of women have an excited clitoris glans (i.e. the visible part of the clitoris at it's maximum size) of between one eighth of an inch across to a maximum of three eighths of an inch across (i.e. 3mm to 8mm across). This is demonstrated as follows.

Smallest when aroused - o
Largest when aroused - O

If you have a clitoris larger than this, don't worry. You will make somebody very happy! Doubtless people reading this will have come across numerous references to clitorises being an inch or even two inches long. Except in extremely rare cases (by which I mean one in many thousands) the claimant has mistaken the top of the inner vaginal lips for the clitoris itself. I have only seen a few undoctored photos of a clitoris more than half an inch long. If you have one please send it to me! ( Since writing the above I have seen quite a lot more photos of clitorises larger than this - many of them of bodybuilders who have taken steroids which have the side effect of enlarging the clitoris. Bear in mind also that "1 in a 1,000" still means 100,000 women in the USA alone!)

  • See an Above Average sized clitoris. For the avoidance of doubt the actual clitoris is marked on the tip with a dot, immediately below the 'V'. Four out of five women have a clitoris smaller than this!

  • See a Big Clitoris that looks good enough to eat, unless you're allergic to peanuts .... one in 500?

  • See another Big Clitoris. My guess is that only one woman in 1000 has a clitoris as big as this. It belongs to HOLLY RYDER - well it used to anyway.

  • See a HUGE clitoris. My guess is that only one woman in 5,000 has a clitoris this big. In other words if you examined a new woman every day it would take you fifteen years or more to come across one like this - happy hunting!

  • See a Genuine Hermaphrodite Not for the squeamish!

  • See a Probably Fraudulent Hermaphrodite . I used to think this was genuine but now believe it to be a fake

  • See Fools Gold! In this picture the clitoris is not even visible but is hidden somewhere underneath the dot below the 'V'. Most claims of inch long clitorises are based upon this kind of misunderstanding

You want more PICTURES? Here's what to do

  1. Open up Search Thingy with the Google box ticked

  2. Input "Female Vacuum Pumping" Do it exactly as shown. Don't forget the quote marks and remember that there are two u's in Vacuum and no "e" at the end! ( really!)

  3. Select the first site!

4. What to do with the Clitoris?
In a word "stroke it". The clitoris is there to be enjoyed so make the most of it! The Protestant Churches with their obsession with sex have long equated pleasure with sin. Even today, America and the UK are sexually repressed countries where a loving act of procreation is viewed as obscene whereas a picture of somebody being killed is regarded as good clean fun.

5. Make that Clitoris really Hum!
Here's something you can do at home that's really exciting! Get a revolver and empty out all the bullets except one. Spin the chamber and hand the gun to your partner. Ask him to push the gun in your mouth or up your ass and pull the trigger. You don't like the idea? Well, when you let somebody fuck you in the mouth or up the ass without wearing a condom you are taking an equivalent risk. (Vaginal Intercourse is generally considered to be much less dangerous but why take the risk?) The aids virus travels in semen or blood. Letting somebody discharge a potentially deadly cargo into your body is desperately dangerous. The man firing the gun is taking very little risk - the person at the receiving end is. Sorry to con you into reading this but it may just save your life.

6. How should I stroke the Clitoris?
If the clitoris concerned is yours then do what ever turns you on! Many women masturbate by lying on their backs with one hand rubbing between their legs and the other stroking one of their breasts. As orgasm approaches they clench their legs together and tense every muscle in sight (and quite a few not in sight).
Other women prefer to lie on their tummies, possibly with a pillow between their legs. I have yet to meet a woman who actually puts anything inside her vagina as a form of stimulation (sorry fellows). I know that this act figures prominently in erotic literature but most erotic literature is written by men with lots of imagination and very little experience. Similarly most dildos and vibrators are bought by men! The Shere Hite report on female sexuality confirms my experience - I believe they found that only about 5% of women use penetration during masturbation. Mind you, maybe me and Shere are just hanging out with the wrong kind of girls ... (Thinks: Is Shere Hite an anagram?)
If the clitoris concerned does not belong to you then experiment gently and carefully (having first obtained the consent of the owner - not necessarily in writing although you can't be too careful these days). Whatever you do, don't just shove your finger up her vagina and then ask her if she wants to fuck. The idea is to gently and carefully excite your partner. At the same time it's not a bad idea to tell her that you love her! You will know if you are succeeding as her vaginal area will become slippery and her clitoris will expand into a firm little bud. At the same time she will begin to groan and writhe about - especially if you pay well. If you fancy the idea (and I certainly do) then excite her clitoris with the tip of your tongue. Whilst you are at it you can lick the entrance to her vagina and anus and generally get the whole area nice and slippery. At this point you can gently slide an experimental finger into the entrance of her vagina (or even her anus). In my experience most girls are shocked at anal contact but if well lubricated and excited will only make a token show of resistance. Don't assume from the latter, however, that she will take kindly to your pride and joy being shoved up her arse (English people don't have ass holes they have arse holes, thought you would like to know that) - she is more likely to scream blue murder.
At this point you can probably take her hand and gently place it on your own pathetic little specimen if you can find it (only kidding guys - I mean huge throbbing manhood). Whilst all this is going on you should be enthusiastically sucking and licking her nipples. In my experience, a girl who is having her nipples sucked and an expert hand gently massaging her clitoris and various entrances is a goner.
One last point. Never argue. If she says she doesn't want sex with you, tell her, whilst gently licking her breasts, that nothing was further from your mind - you were looking for a deeper, more spiritual relationship with her. She will invariably end up having sex with you. If, on the other hand, you reply along the lines of "Why not, you had sex last week with John Smith?" then you are a total oaf who deserves a quick smack in the mouth and will probably get one. And not just from John Smith. Happy rubbing!

7. Well, Fuck Me!(Added 26th Sept 98)
Spend 5 minutes reading this - it will change your life and explain something which is a mystery to 99% of the human race

Question 1: What drives the ultimate male fantasy?
Answer 1: A huge desire to meet an endless stream of good looking young women and fuck the ass off them!
Question 2: What can Mother Nature plant in men's minds so that men produce the maximum number of babies?
Answer 2: A huge desire to meet an endless stream of good looking young women and fuck the ass off them!

Question 3: What drives the ultimate female fantasy?
Answer 3: A huge desire to meet a strong, kind and successful man and have an endless stream of his babies
Question 4: What can Mother Nature plant in women's minds so that women produce the maximum number of babies?
Answer 4: A huge desire to meet a strong, kind and successful man and have an endless stream of his babies

Notice something strange here? Yes, answers 1 & 2 and 3 & 4 are identical. The basic sexual instincts of both men and women are designed to maximise the number of babies. The fundamental difference between men and women is:
A man can have hundreds of babies every year whereas a woman can only have one.
For this reason, men like fucking new women and women prefer to find one good successful man and stick with him. This applies to 90% of the human race (if you are one of the weird 10%, like me, please do not write and tell me) For this reason, a man having regular sex with a really gorgeous woman would much prefer to have sex with her less good looking friend and will risk his life to do it. That way two women may get pregnant as opposed to one. Obviously, he doesn't want the friend to get pregnant he just has an intense desire to fuck a new woman! It's Mother Nature ( or God or Evolution - take your pick) that has taken over his mind to do something which his rational mind knows is crazy but his dick tells him is a good idea. Look at how Monica and Bill behaved - it's all there staring you in the face. He wanted sex with a new woman, she wanted to marry him and have a baby. Did Bill think it was a good idea to have sex with Monica? Like hell he did - poor lamb just couldn't help himself.
Guys, please do not write and tell me that you have no desire for babies but just like fucking. I am talking about fundamental reasons - not the way you feel. We eat because we feel hungry and enjoy it - not because we are afraid of dying from starvation but the latter is the fundamental driving force behind eating. Sex is the same - fundamentally it is about babies ( boring, smelly and ugly though they may be).
Remember, if babies were born as a result of you sticking your nose up a car's exhaust pipe then your nose would twitch at the sight of a new car arriving in town (OK, so maybe it does anyway)

8. Interesting Links ( I will add more shortly )

 

Thousands of years ago the Phoenicians worshipped the clitoris. The Temple of Clitoris is proud to continue that tradition

1. Combating Ignorance
Despite almost a century of universal education the average Western Male is still totally ignorant about the clitoris. He neither knows what it is, where it is or what to do with it if he accidentally stumbles across one late at night in the dark (OK, OK. I know all my readers are deeply sensitive caring men whose only concern is to please their partner and do the washing up and clean the house and cook the evening meal and take the dog for a walk and screw their partner's best friend but let's face it there are many guys out there who are less than totally committed New Men)

2. What is the Clitoris and How do I get One?
The clitoris is a small bud like formation ("make mine a bud") situated where the top of the inner vaginal lips meet Normally it hides under a small hood of skin but when sexually aroused it expands and emerges blinking into the sunlight. It is a primary source of erotic stimulation. Most women can attain orgasm by means of gentle massage of the clitoral area. Biologically, it is directly equivalent to the male penis. Indeed, for the first few months after conception the genitalia of male and female foetuses appear to be identical. It is this equivalence that is a direct cause of much misunderstanding.

3. How big is the Clitoris?
Not very. I have been privileged to see the genitalia of literally dozens of women whilst both sexually excited and quiescent. In my experience, the vast majority of women have an excited clitoris glans (i.e. the visible part of the clitoris at it's maximum size) of between one eighth of an inch across to a maximum of three eighths of an inch across (i.e. 3mm to 8mm across). This is demonstrated as follows.

Smallest when aroused - o
Largest when aroused - O

If you have a clitoris larger than this, don't worry. You will make somebody very happy! Doubtless people reading this will have come across numerous references to clitorises being an inch or even two inches long. Except in extremely rare cases (by which I mean one in many thousands) the claimant has mistaken the top of the inner vaginal lips for the clitoris itself. I have only seen a few undoctored photos of a clitoris more than half an inch long. If you have one please send it to me! ( Since writing the above I have seen quite a lot more photos of clitorises larger than this - many of them of bodybuilders who have taken steroids which have the side effect of enlarging the clitoris. Bear in mind also that "1 in a 1,000" still means 100,000 women in the USA alone!)

  • See an Above Average sized clitoris. For the avoidance of doubt the actual clitoris is marked on the tip with a dot, immediately below the 'V'. Four out of five women have a clitoris smaller than this!

  • See a Big Clitoris that looks good enough to eat, unless you're allergic to peanuts .... one in 500?

  • See another Big Clitoris. My guess is that only one woman in 1000 has a clitoris as big as this. It belongs to HOLLY RYDER - well it used to anyway.

  • See a HUGE clitoris. My guess is that only one woman in 5,000 has a clitoris this big. In other words if you examined a new woman every day it would take you fifteen years or more to come across one like this - happy hunting!

  • See a Genuine Hermaphrodite Not for the squeamish!

  • See a Probably Fraudulent Hermaphrodite . I used to think this was genuine but now believe it to be a fake

  • See Fools Gold! In this picture the clitoris is not even visible but is hidden somewhere underneath the dot below the 'V'. Most claims of inch long clitorises are based upon this kind of misunderstanding

You want more PICTURES? Here's what to do

  1. Open up Search Thingy with the Google box ticked

  2. Input "Female Vacuum Pumping" Do it exactly as shown. Don't forget the quote marks and remember that there are two u's in Vacuum and no "e" at the end! ( really!)

  3. Select the first site!

4. What to do with the Clitoris?
In a word "stroke it". The clitoris is there to be enjoyed so make the most of it! The Protestant Churches with their obsession with sex have long equated pleasure with sin. Even today, America and the UK are sexually repressed countries where a loving act of procreation is viewed as obscene whereas a picture of somebody being killed is regarded as good clean fun.

5. Make that Clitoris really Hum!
Here's something you can do at home that's really exciting! Get a revolver and empty out all the bullets except one. Spin the chamber and hand the gun to your partner. Ask him to push the gun in your mouth or up your ass and pull the trigger. You don't like the idea? Well, when you let somebody fuck you in the mouth or up the ass without wearing a condom you are taking an equivalent risk. (Vaginal Intercourse is generally considered to be much less dangerous but why take the risk?) The aids virus travels in semen or blood. Letting somebody discharge a potentially deadly cargo into your body is desperately dangerous. The man firing the gun is taking very little risk - the person at the receiving end is. Sorry to con you into reading this but it may just save your life.

6. How should I stroke the Clitoris?
If the clitoris concerned is yours then do what ever turns you on! Many women masturbate by lying on their backs with one hand rubbing between their legs and the other stroking one of their breasts. As orgasm approaches they clench their legs together and tense every muscle in sight (and quite a few not in sight).
Other women prefer to lie on their tummies, possibly with a pillow between their legs. I have yet to meet a woman who actually puts anything inside her vagina as a form of stimulation (sorry fellows). I know that this act figures prominently in erotic literature but most erotic literature is written by men with lots of imagination and very little experience. Similarly most dildos and vibrators are bought by men! The Shere Hite report on female sexuality confirms my experience - I believe they found that only about 5% of women use penetration during masturbation. Mind you, maybe me and Shere are just hanging out with the wrong kind of girls ... (Thinks: Is Shere Hite an anagram?)
If the clitoris concerned does not belong to you then experiment gently and carefully (having first obtained the consent of the owner - not necessarily in writing although you can't be too careful these days). Whatever you do, don't just shove your finger up her vagina and then ask her if she wants to fuck. The idea is to gently and carefully excite your partner. At the same time it's not a bad idea to tell her that you love her! You will know if you are succeeding as her vaginal area will become slippery and her clitoris will expand into a firm little bud. At the same time she will begin to groan and writhe about - especially if you pay well. If you fancy the idea (and I certainly do) then excite her clitoris with the tip of your tongue. Whilst you are at it you can lick the entrance to her vagina and anus and generally get the whole area nice and slippery. At this point you can gently slide an experimental finger into the entrance of her vagina (or even her anus). In my experience most girls are shocked at anal contact but if well lubricated and excited will only make a token show of resistance. Don't assume from the latter, however, that she will take kindly to your pride and joy being shoved up her arse (English people don't have ass holes they have arse holes, thought you would like to know that) - she is more likely to scream blue murder.
At this point you can probably take her hand and gently place it on your own pathetic little specimen if you can find it (only kidding guys - I mean huge throbbing manhood). Whilst all this is going on you should be enthusiastically sucking and licking her nipples. In my experience, a girl who is having her nipples sucked and an expert hand gently massaging her clitoris and various entrances is a goner.
One last point. Never argue. If she says she doesn't want sex with you, tell her, whilst gently licking her breasts, that nothing was further from your mind - you were looking for a deeper, more spiritual relationship with her. She will invariably end up having sex with you. If, on the other hand, you reply along the lines of "Why not, you had sex last week with John Smith?" then you are a total oaf who deserves a quick smack in the mouth and will probably get one. And not just from John Smith. Happy rubbing!

7. Well, Fuck Me!(Added 26th Sept 98)
Spend 5 minutes reading this - it will change your life and explain something which is a mystery to 99% of the human race

Question 1: What drives the ultimate male fantasy?
Answer 1: A huge desire to meet an endless stream of good looking young women and fuck the ass off them!
Question 2: What can Mother Nature plant in men's minds so that men produce the maximum number of babies?
Answer 2: A huge desire to meet an endless stream of good looking young women and fuck the ass off them!

Question 3: What drives the ultimate female fantasy?
Answer 3: A huge desire to meet a strong, kind and successful man and have an endless stream of his babies
Question 4: What can Mother Nature plant in women's minds so that women produce the maximum number of babies?
Answer 4: A huge desire to meet a strong, kind and successful man and have an endless stream of his babies

Notice something strange here? Yes, answers 1 & 2 and 3 & 4 are identical. The basic sexual instincts of both men and women are designed to maximise the number of babies. The fundamental difference between men and women is:
A man can have hundreds of babies every year whereas a woman can only have one.
For this reason, men like fucking new women and women prefer to find one good successful man and stick with him. This applies to 90% of the human race (if you are one of the weird 10%, like me, please do not write and tell me) For this reason, a man having regular sex with a really gorgeous woman would much prefer to have sex with her less good looking friend and will risk his life to do it. That way two women may get pregnant as opposed to one. Obviously, he doesn't want the friend to get pregnant he just has an intense desire to fuck a new woman! It's Mother Nature ( or God or Evolution - take your pick) that has taken over his mind to do something which his rational mind knows is crazy but his dick tells him is a good idea. Look at how Monica and Bill behaved - it's all there staring you in the face. He wanted sex with a new woman, she wanted to marry him and have a baby. Did Bill think it was a good idea to have sex with Monica? Like hell he did - poor lamb just couldn't help himself.
Guys, please do not write and tell me that you have no desire for babies but just like fucking. I am talking about fundamental reasons - not the way you feel. We eat because we feel hungry and enjoy it - not because we are afraid of dying from starvation but the latter is the fundamental driving force behind eating. Sex is the same - fundamentally it is about babies ( boring, smelly and ugly though they may be).
Remember, if babies were born as a result of you sticking your nose up a car's exhaust pipe then your nose would twitch at the sight of a new car arriving in town (OK, so maybe it does anyway)

8. Interesting Links ( I will add more shortly )